Supporting Someone You Know
How you support a victim survivor of sexual harm and/or violence can have a significant impact on their ability to reconnect to safety and control in their lives.
It is important to remember that sexual harm and/or violence is an act of power and control used by another person to harm someone. It is not the victim suvivor's fault and was not caused or provoked in any way by their actions.
Reflecting this in your attitude and responses assists to reinforce your belief in the victim survivor.
Returning Choice and Power
Sexual harm and violence removes choice from the victim survivor. In responding, we are always wanting to return choice and power as soon as possible to the victim survivor. This means being guided by their choices, which may be different to your beliefs or timeline about what they "should do".
Recovery from sexual harm and/or violence is different for everyone.
How to Respond
Helpful responses
- Ask "What do you need from me right now?" or "Is there anything I can do for you?"
- Understand that the person may not know what they need yet
- Give space and time, and drop expectations about how someone "should" be, feel, or act after trauma
- Understand that recovery from sexual harm is not linear or measured in time
- Believe, listen and respect their decisions
- Seek their permission before disclosing their information to anyone else
- Let them know you're there for them, not just in the crisis, but check in over time
- Know your limits and seek support outside of the victim survivor for yourself (especially if this is a close relationship)
Try to avoid
- Minimising their feelings, experience or impact. There is no right or wrong way for someone to be impacted by what has happened, or for how long
- Asking too many questions or for details, which can be overwhelming and distressing
- Putting pressure on them to disclose, including to police
- If you are concerned about potential injuries, gently encourage them to see their GP, contact the local hospital emergency department, or consult Nurse On-Call
Support For You as a Supporter
Your role in supporting a victim survivor is important, and SACL is here to support and resource you. You can contact us to debrief, find out information, and be supported.
If you are supporting a child or young person under 18 years, click here for more information.
SACL also recognises that many people who support someone who has experienced sexual harm have themselves also experienced sexual harm. Offering support can feel empowering, triggering, and/or challenging.
It is important to receive care for yourself, and this may involve placing boundaries around what you can offer, listen to, or be present for; and that is okay.
