Supporting a Child and/or Young Person

How you respond to concerns or disclosures of sexual harm and/or violence can make a big difference in the recovery and support of a child or young person. Being accessible, open and calm, lets the child or young person know you are a safe person to talk to.

How to Respond if a Child or Young Person Shares Concerns

Helpful responses:

• Let the child or young person tell you in their own words, at their own pace, what they want to
• Always reinforce that they are not responsible for what has happened, and it is not their fault
• Reassure them you believe them, they haven't done anything wrong, and they are not in trouble
• Restore choice: give them as much choice and decision-making power to decide what happens as possible (depending on their age, developmental stage and legal requirements)
• Maintain routines as much as possible, to keep some predicability and normalcy in their life. Balance this with being flexible to changing their routine if they need more care or support
• Seek out support for them and be guided by their choice relevant to their age and development
• Recognise that there may be changes in their behaviour and these are different for every person
• Be mindful that children can be impacted at any age, and may need support later for what has occurred.

Try to avoid:

• Minimising or dismissing the experience or impact, based on the age (or developmental stage) of the child, the nature of what happened, or the time since it has happened. Each person's experience is different, and it is important to attune to their needs and be responsive if, or as they change
• Promising the outcome of what will or won't happen. For example "that person will go to jail"
• Letting the child know your feelings on what has happened, so they aren't managing your responses.

If you are seeking information on supporting a child who has either experienced sexually problematic or harmful behaviours by another child, or has enacted them, click here.

Pornography, Online Content and Young People

Pornography includes images, videos, audio or written material that depict sexual activity and are created for adults. In today's digital environment, children and young people may come across pornogrpahy accidentally, through curiosity, or via their peers.

Exposure to pornography is increasingly common. Australian research indicates that many children and young people are exposed to pornographic content during their early secondary school years. This does not mean a child or young person has done something wrong.

While not all pornography is harmful, free available online content often does not show healthy, respectful or consensual relationships. Many popular pornographic scenes portray aggression, unequal power, or lack of consent. When children and young people are still developing emotionally and cognitively, this can be confusing or distressing.

Why pornography can be confusing or harmful for young people:

Every child or young person responds differently. Some may experience no noticeable impact, while others may be affected emotionally, behaviourally, or over time.

Possible impacts can include:

• Confusion about consent, boundaries, bodies or relationships
• Anxiety, shame, low self-esteem or body image concerns
• Pressure to engage in sexual behaviours they are not ready for
• Difficulty understanding respectful and mutual relationships.

Some children and young people may also show changes in behaviour, language or play that reflect what they have seen online.

Porngraphy also often presents harmful myths, such as:

• Sex being about performance rather than connection
• Aggression or pressure being normal or desired
• Consent being unimportant or assumed
• One person's pleasure being prioristied over another's

How you can respond as a parent or caregiver

If you learn that your child or young person has been accessing pornography, it is normal to feel a range of emotions. You do not need to manage this alone. 

It is important to:

• Try to stay calm and curious, even if what you hear is confronting
• Let your child know they are not in trouble for what they have seen or for telling you
• Listen to what they have seen and how it made them feel
• Provide simple, age-appropriate information about consent and respect
• Reassure them that they can come to you again if they see something confusing or upsetting

For many young people, a safe and open conversation with a trusted adult can be protective and supportive.

Supporting safety and reducing harm

Parents and caregivers can help by:

• Talking openly and regularly about online activity
• Setting clear, supportive boundaries around device use
• Using safety tools and parental controls, especially for younger children
• Reinforcing that no one should feel pressured to view or share sexual content

When additional support may help

Support may be helpful if:

• Your child seems distressed, withdrawn or anxious
• Exposure to pornography is ongoing or frequent
• Sexualised behaviours are concerning, persistent, or involve other children
• You feel unsure how to respond or what is developmentally appropriate.

Seeking support does not mean something has gone wrong. It can help clarify what is typical, what may need attention, and how best to support your child.

If you are concerned about the impact of pornography or online sexual content on your child or young person, you can contact SACL for confidential support and guidance.

You can find more information about pornography and keeping young people safe online through It's Time We Talked and the eSafety Commissioner.

Do We Have to Contact the Police?

Under Victorian law, all adults have a legal responsibility to report information to police if they have a reasonable belief that a sexual offence has been committed against a child (under 16 years) by another adult. 

There may be times when any adult is required to contact the police and/or Child Protection to discuss possible situations of risk or harm. Failing to report this information to police is a criminal offence, unless a specific exemption applies. 

(You can read more about your obligations under Failure to Disclose legislation).

Duty of Care

At SACL we have a legal and ethical duty of care to help keep any caller safe from harm. For children and young people, this means that if we become aware of information that suggests a child or young person may be at risk of abuse or neglect or harm, we may need to take action to protect them.

This can include making a report to Child Protection Service, where there are reasonable grounds to believe a child is in need of protection.

Where possible, we will make every effort to discuss our concerns with you and work together to determine the best next steps, including whether contact with Child Protection or police is needed.

To report concerns about the immediate safety of a child after hours, please call the After Hours Child Emergency Service: 13 12 78.

We understand that concerns about a child's safety can be distressing. If you are unsure about what to do, you can contact SACL for support and guidance.

 

Seeking Support for Yourself and Other Family Members

Caring for a young person who has experienced sexual harm, also involves caring for and seeking support for yourself. Appropriately, the focus is first on the person who has been harmed, and it can take some time for your own feelings to emerge, especially if you have your own experiences of sexual harm or violence.

• Finding opportunities to debrief with a trusted friend or professional allows some of the intensity of what you are feeling and thinking to be lessened and shared
• Seeking information on options for support can help with feeling powerless
• Understand there are many ways you may respond and know you are not alone
• Be mindful of not expecting others (including the child or young person harmed), to feel the same as you do
• Attend to other family members, such as siblings, who may or may not be aware of what has happened.

 

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